Translated by Has_World
Klong PREM-JAIL 60 KILOMETERS SOUTH OF BANGKOK
SWING I.
Hangover TOUR RETURN
We're almost home, buddy!
My name is Alan, and I bought a giraffe!
He's all mine!
it's super frightining !
Look at the giraffe! - Omg Where do think it's going ??!!
wooh My life is great !
I have a wounderfoul life !
I have a wounderfull life !
Yes, sir, absulotly I will. Thank you so much !.
No, of course ...
No, no again . I'm so sorry .
that was the mayor, Alan.
It was an accident!
You have said that you would always love me,no matter what I did.
I know, and I do too. You're my best friend -
- But why would you buy a giraffe ?!
I've always wanted one!
feed 'em from my tree house ...
besides, they remind me alot of myself.
In what way?
They are majestic -
- pinsive and tall !. - pinsive ?!
- Yeah. - Where did you learn that word?
"Words with Friends".
- What friends, Alan? - you can set it all random .
Alan ... Beside from the fact that you shut down a freeway
- You murdered a wild animal. It's National news.
you don't wanna know the checks I had to write to fix this
- oh ! Please We are Rich . - We are not anything , Alan.
I am well off You are 40 year old son...
- 42! - 42 year old son -
- who still lives at home ! you need to go back on your medication or I'm cutting you off
You're bluffing. When's dinner?
Your mother and I can not take this anymore!
- oh you might have to. - I can't do it .
I cannot do this !
Alan! Alan!
oh my god He's got the voice of an angel It's breathtaking
I can not believe my daddy is dead
I can think of so many people I would rather have died first
like My mother
As many of you know, my father and I were extremely close.
He was my life partner.
He would often tell me almost on a daily basis
- that I was his favorite child.
I will always remember the last words he said to me.
"I'm proud of you, Alan. Never change . "
Well ,I heard you loud and clear, Daddy.
I will never change.
Never ever.
Go Ahead chief
Sid Garner was a beloved husband, father and neighbor.
- wow, rough day ! - Yeah. How's Tracy doing ?
Not great. Her mother is totally on the edgeand if all this were not enough
- Appearently alan has been off his meds for almost six months.
Oh boy ! Yeah , it hasn't been pretty . There's the whole fucking giraffe thing
- I dunno but that was pretty funny. - What?
Come on! He killed Giraffe! . who gives a fuck ?! .
you know , I wasn't gonna say anything but alan has been stopping by my office lately .
- you're kidding me ? What for ? - I do not know.
He just sits in the waiting room and reads highlights magazine.
He fills in the puzzels , whatever he can and then leaves !
Check it out .
WOW ,Jesus what're we gonna do with him ?
actually I would like to talk to you about that.
- Linda really wants to stage an intervention for him - An intervention?
- Really? - I think that sounds like a great idea.
yup , The thing is she is pretty convinced that he wouldn't agree to it
-unless all of us were there I mean you know how he is
I do not know ... It seems a little extreme to me.
Oh, God! look at him now .
Okay, I'm in. When we doing it?
so We talked to Tracy today and she said, that the treatment facility that she found was very nice .
It's beautiful. I checked it out online Great reputation.
who gives a fuck! It is in Arizona! we're gonna go for two day drive for this shit ! .
Here we go
why don't we just save them the money and send him to a fat camp. Phil !!
why ??! He should lose some weight and find a woman. That's what he needs. the dude is lonely.
well If he's so lonely, why don't the two of you spend some more time together
- No trust me , you don't want that. - No, we will difinitely do not want that.
Oh come on ! he's not that bad What is the worst that's happened
A tattoo ?!
Yeah, the tatto was the worst Right?
Difinitely , the tattoo was the worst.
It was a nightmare.
- Speaking of which, you've ever got tested? - Excuse me?!
you know because of the ink
"The one inside you."
I'm fine.
- I can not thank you so much for coming . -oh of course
It is Nico. Nico is a good friend of Alan's .
- What's up, bros - Oh yeah hey !
and that is Blanca. blanca has been with us, Since Alan was a baby.
- Hello. - Hello - and this is timothiy
Timothy lives across the street He and Alan swim together.
- Hey ,What's up, little man? - Hey .
-Why don't you guys take a seat. - yeah
- Tracy is on hes way back with Alan right now. - obviously He has no idea
- That this is coming so I think it might get a little intense
But no matter what happens, remember this's all about alan getting better
Mother! Oreo smoothie. Now!
Hello, Hey everyone. Hey !
Hey , Timothy. little cold for a swim, isn't it?
- Oh wow lock, you went to the appear today how was that - We had a good time.
yeah , I played skee-ball for like 45 minutes. It's pretty sick workedout .
What is going on ?
Ah , why don't you have a seat budd We just wanna talk to you for a sec
Okay.
- Hey, Phil. - Hey yeah .
Oh ! You got me.
So , Alan
we're all here to tell you about an awesome place called "new horizons"
- It does sound Awesome. - Alan ...
- This is an intervention. - A what ?!
MoM ...
Alan ...
I love you so much . We all do .
But we can't keep lying to each other.
Ever since you were a baby
Oh My GOD ! Is there anybody else falling asleep?
- Alan. Listen. - No offense Mom, but you're boring.
- Mr. Alan. - Oh , Now you ?!
I picked up after you for thirty years
I cleaned your room, I see things no one should ever see .
But I pray for you, Mr Alan.
- Hey ... - Someone should clean that out .
- Alan! - Alan You're not well .
You're off your mids and you're clearly upsetting your whole family
- that's belony - Alan ...
- If you said yes to this .
- we drive you there today, and I promise you, you will come back a changed man .
Who is "we"? What do you mean 'we'?
" We " All of us. Stu, Phil, me you.
you going phil ?
I love you Alan.
Hey , Alan Are you hungry?
- you wanna get some RBs ? - No thanks.
You know , I meant to tell you earlier, some really cool vest got on .
Thanks, Phil. It was my Dad's. He died in it .
- WoW -it's intense
Alan , I just wanna say that what you're doing is . really brave , We're proud of you.
Yeah, you're gonna do Great.
- Stop the car. I don't wanna do this anymore. - What?!
- I've changed my mind. - Alan , you cannot change your mind.
- Everybody is counting on you . - I'm fine just the way I'm .
I wanna go home . Turn the car around.
What the fuck was that?
Oh my God! He's doing it on purpose!
- just get out of his way . - I'm I'm
- Hey , get the fuck off! - We must exchange information.
Phil ! , Watch out, Phil!
- Get away from him! - I'm trying! - Oh shit !
- Flee ! - Move! Come on!
What the hell are you doing?
Stu ! , We are in an elevator!
What the fuck is going on?!
Please , It's a huge mistake! You got the wrong guys !
No, I got the right fucking guys. pick him up , put him over here .
- Hey , you're black Dog This's Black Doug! - Shut the fuck up with that! shut the fuck up !
Oh my God ! It's !
Tell me now why is black Dog Kidnapping us ??
I Said don't call me that shit no more .
- It ain't Alan's fault. - Thank you, Black Dog.
- Oh, Mutha fucka! - Okay, okay. Just "Doug".Okay !!
- Why are you doing this? - Because ...
... I told him to. I'm Marshall.
and whether you know it or not We all have something in common
and It all started four years ago, when this moron
- Sold the wrong drugs to this dumb fuck.
who have no idea the change of events that ere set in motion that night
- In a parking lot of of the fucking liquor store.
- What up, nigger? - Excuse me?!
Chill out. I'm not a cop. I'm just in town for the night.
Me and my boys looking to get our free con
you sold alan roofies
oh shit I must have mixed up the bags. my fault alan
Damn! .Marhall is gonna be pissed off of on me on that one.
"Damn!.Marhall is gonna be pissed off of on me on that one.
Marshall ... you're Marshall !
You brought us out here because of that?!
You're not here because of that .
You're here because some china man, I've never heard of
- scrolls into my town and takes one of my guys off the street.
- Mr. Chow? - Yes!
Yes, Mr. Leslie-fucking-Chow.
you introduced the virus into my life.
- Oh, God! What did he do? - He fucked me in the ass.
Well, he does that from time to time .
Not literlly.
Jesus!
A few weeks after your bull-shit
- I get word this sheikh is coming in from Abu Dhabi.
He was looking to make some less than legal investments.
He brought his two wives and 42 million dollars in gold bars .
- It was a lay up. - Down , Get down !
We took it all.
Two vans, each one with $ 21 million in gold.
My guys splet up.
one of them made it back -
- One of them didn't .
- Is there a problem, officer? - Not anymore, motherfucker.
Leslie Chow stole $ 21 million from me.
On a Tuesday. Oh GOD !
I looked everywhere for him . He was gone , No one can find him
until the little cockroach got him self pinshed in Bangkok.
So I paid him a visit.
I offered him a truce.
I will not touch a hair on his head, I just wanted him to tell me where my gold is.
and refuses to talk.
Not only he does refuse to talk to me.
He has no communication with anyone form the outside
- Except you!
Hey ,It's unfair!
- Alan , You've been talking to chow? - They were writing litters .
- It is private! - "Dear Leslie."
"OMG! the McRib' is back!"
- "Why was it ever gone?" - Exactly!
"Dear Alan. I threw urine on prison gaurd today balmed it on sell mate. "
- "I wish you were here." - Yeah, I wish I could have seen that.
Letter after letter of totall, except for common thread.
You guys.
- "Wolf pack". - Jeusu Chrised. Alan!
Five weeks ago, Chow escaped from a maximum-security Detention.
Oh , Fuck.
He stored aboared chipping freighter bound for the West Coast.
- Where is he? - I do not know.
Alan, if you know where he is, you tell this man right now.
Phil ,I dunno . I swear I haven't talked to him in monthes .
We Gotta do it the hard way.
- What the fuck !! - Wait. No! What the fuck?!
- What are you doing? - Doug is my insurance. he stays with me.
you don't give me chow, I blow his brains out .
You go the the Cops, I blow his brains out.
- That's insane , We don't even know where the fuck he is! - No one does.
But I figured the wolf pack, has the best chance of finding him.
You have three days. Get to work.
- Can not take Stu instead? - Fuck you, Alan.
- Alan? - Yes, Phil?
- I need you to roll over here and chew off these hand ties . - Okay.
- there's a little too much steam. - Get off me .
Let me just, shive me down.
Hold still!
Help! Help!
Holy Shit !
- What are we gonna do, Stu? - We Gotta go the the Police.
Oh no , we're fucking not! Did you hear that guy?
He will kill Doug . period!
Chow is a cancerous , he has been a cancer since the first day we met him .
So, we're gonna hand him over to this guy Marshall and then it's done .
Alan, Not now,but I need you, Stu. I can't do this alone.
Do what alone? We have no idea where he even is!
what alan ? I got an email the other day, and I was not sure what it meant -
- But now I think that it might be from Chow.
"Fatty. It feels good to be out. I'm close by. tell no one I'll be in touch. "
"Chow."
This says "Chow". How did you not know this was from chow?
at the time I thought it was "Chow" like "goodbye" -
- you know Like "Ciao!" or "Arrivederci". - I'm writing back to him.
What ? Wait wait , just hold on !
- I've been telling him that you're happy he's out and you'd love to see him . - ooooh, I would love to see him.
- Do you even know what's going on? - Yes, I do.
Phil is doing all the work, I'm his assistant -
- And you standing there looking like an idiot. - I'm gonna arrange a meeting.
- We're gonna take him out. - take him out
who says that ? How do we take someone out?
We use Drugs. Prescription drugs.
you know the kind a dentist has access to.
Good luck finding a dentist, who will write fake prescriptions.
Oh mI know one. his name is Stuart Price. Let us go find fucking a pharmacy.
yoooh , you just got schooled!,son
- Are you coming or not ? - I do not like this plan.
Okay, then. Chow.
I got a pretty dumb sense of humor, bro.
Prescriptions
- Everything Okay ? - well, It's just a strange request.
This drug and this amount and a pack of sringes ...
- It's just a little weird. - Yeah.
It's just a kind of an emergency so ...
You see , that right there and you're acting all figgity plus you look like shit
- In our buisness these are all red flags.
I need to call a priscriping doctor, and make sure everything is okay.
aha ,you're in luck because I actually am a priscriping doctor.
Oh, another red flag
- It says here you're a dentist. - Yeah.
Doctor of dental science.
This is fucked up.
Hey dad , I think we got a live one .
- How did we do ? - We did good, I got Demerol,a pack of sringes
- And I almost suspended my dental license
- What about chow , anything? - No.
Oh, look at this He emailed me like 20 mins ago
Alan ! , We've been sit.. Give me the phone, please.
- What does it say? - Oh WoW ,He wants to meet Alan tonight at 8:00 p.m.
- Just come alone. - Come alone Where?
A bus stop.
- In Tijuana. - Tijuana is the bomb!
- Fuck ! - Oh, That's perfect.
- I'is Like a three hours drive form here. - Yes, Stu try reading a map .
Yeah, Alan. Try reading anything , Ever .
Yeah, Stu. Try not to having such a big horse teeth.
Alright need a plan. They're meeting at a bus bensh in a puplic place.
So Alan needs to convince Chow to go some place more private.
Some place where we can sneak up on him , Drug him.
- Like where ? - I dunno like an alley?
What about a movie Theater?
Fuck that's actually a great idea. the lights go down.
We take the seat behind him, we jap him and it's Fucking Done .
I'll Jap him if you want. I've druged people before.
- Yeah, us. - No offense Alan, but we're not gonna let you handle any drugs.
- you'll kill someone. - Oh Pleas, I'm an expert.
- Remember the marshmallows in Thailand? - Yeah.
I made so you can eat at least three before hitting a fatal dose.
Wait
So you're saying I would have died, if I'd had four?
Nobody eats four marshmallows, Stu!
That's insane theory is the only reason I'm still alive?
Yes! and you're welcome BTW.
Do not say "you're welcome" for almost killing me.
- Fine -Thank you. - You're welcome. - God Damn it !
- Oh God !
You know you were right.
- About what? - that place in Arizona.
It's not gonna help him.
there's no facility that can fix this guy.
We're gonna spend the rest of our life dealing with him because we're all he has now.
and really that's where it
Oh shit ! check it out.
- Is that Chow? - Hey, fasta.
- fasta? - atataa that's cool, eyes forward - yeah Okay
- Anyone following you? - No, I don't think so.
Good, good
I gotta keep low profile right now. Chow wanted man.
can't trust anyone. quick give me some sugar.
Come on!, come on !
- What the fuck ?! - Did he just Kiss him?
Listen, I am in bit of pickle , Alan. I need a friend.
- I'm your friend, Leslie. - Exactly, that's why I called you down here.
You're the only person I can trust in this shit hole of a life.
That's not true. Stu and Phil are your friends.
Oh ,Really? That's interesting.
Where are they?
- Around . - Around Where?
I do not know.
Ahh , mutha fuckka! I told you to come alone.
- Leslie! - Shit!
- What happenned? - is he leaving?
come back we'll talk some more! I will give you another kiss
- He's coming to this car. - Fuck! Lie down!
- Oh Fuck!
Get out of the car you mutts! get off me fat club!
- Chow!, chow! , calm down - Who sent you?!
- No one no one, we just wanted to see you . - Liar!
- No one wants to see Chow! - No, we ...
- We miss you. - What?
we miss chow. That's it, we miss you .
- you miss me? - so much.
you miss Chow?
- Yeah, buddy. - We ... love you, Chow.
What the fuck am I watching?
- is that gonna be enough? - Oh Yeah.
This'll take about a min to kick in. We'll tell the waitress he's drunk.
by the time we get to the car he'll be out full.
Alan ,Sit down.
- That was really nice, Chow. - Thanks , Phil.
The secret is to sing from the heart.
So Mexico, huh? What are you doing down here?
you know , fucking doing Blow. same old Same old.
- Oh , I've got into cock fighting . - Oh cock fighting that sounds wonderful.
Yes ,basically I've been killig it down here.
That is just terrific.
Right? I mean that's terrific.
- I think I will call for toast. - I like that.
- To killin it. - killin it.
Yes ... To killing it.
you okay Chow?
I do not know. you tell me ?
So ,How many roaster birds do you have, Chow?
Act cool, or I open his vein.
- Why you wanna drug poor Chow? - No No , it's not what you think.
- There's that guy Marshall ... - Marshall? How do you know that fat fuck?
He says that you took his gold. and He's Doug and he's gonna kill him unless we bring you back.
It's true! I swear to god it's true !
So, Chow that's the truth.
God Damn it!
- That Mutha Fukka! - Stu , Are you okay?
- you're alright? - No!
I'm Sorry, Chow.
- We're sorry, we don't know what else to do . - Next time don't lie to Chow.
You are right, you're so right and we made a huge mistake.
- So, What do we do now? - It depends ...
Can I trust you .
- What is this place, Chow? - My house.
Chow used to be in top of the world.
I had three beautiful home in three different countries
- But this one, my Mexican villa
- This Was my favorite.
then everything got fucked .
Chow went to prison. All my properties seized.
My homes ...
All were auctioned to the highest bidders.
But I know something no one else knows.
this house, is where I stashed the gold.
- Marshall's gold? - Yep.
I hid it inside the basement wall.
No one knows it's there.
We gonna go get it.
Wait . you mean break in ?
Look . Marshall wants his gold
- And he's gonna hunt me down until he gets it. If we showed up without it, he will kill me.
- We're not breaking in anywhere. - Not anywhere as Stu.
my house. It's piece of cake.
I know every square inch of this place
The best part , the guy we're stealing from doesn't know it's there
- So he will never know it's gone .
you guys know what's going on, right?
- What do you mean? - Well , please correct me if I'm wrong
- We're not breaking it to this house.
This house it too small. We're break into another house .
This's just a Model right, Chow?
What ? Oh No My chickens!
- Chow , what the fuck ?! - They're trained to kill!
The beak is too sharp!
- stay still! I'm trying to help! - Don't!
Get it off!
- hhhha fucking Bulls-eye! - Are you out of your mind?!
Chow! Chow! chow!
The window!
- Out with them! - I'm trying!
shsh struggle. Let go.
You won alot of fights, Wallace -
- not this time.
- What the fuck was wrong with these chickens? - They're Angry.
All I feed them is cocaine ...
... And chicken.
- It's some house , Chow. - It was my Shangri-La.
Now it's gone.
Could you not spit inside my minivan please? Jusus !
- Who lives there now? - some .com millionaire. He's never here.
This is her vacation home. he does not show up on Sundays.
No one there but guard dogs. Stu?
We toss these burgers over the gate and wait for the Demerol to kick in.
Make sure you put it enough to kill them.
We are not gonna kill the dogs, Chow. this will knock them out for hours .
Oh I'm Sorry. I did not know you were from PDA. what a pussy !.
Alan, take that.
- Where are you going? - you'll see.
Glad to meet you little loser. Excuse me,fucking ass asshole.
Follow me.
Okay , here's the deal. There're two security panels inside.
If you cut off only one wire it trigers an alarm -
-the place will be crolling with cops
- But we cut the wires on both panels at same time
- Alarm diables. - yeah , but how do we get in without triggering the alarm?
well , haha.
Any more stupid questions?
Now ,Who's coming with me ?
- I'll do it. - you wanna tell him?
Alan, you're just too fat.
Rogger that .
Do not kick me, you mutha fucker !
No no no , don't get up You'll trigger the motion detectors. Stay low like dog.
- Good idea. Which way ? - In There. In the kitchen.
- What the fuck is that? - I'm saying hello.
We are dogs, remember?
Hey Stu , check it out.
Oh my God! So grows!
God , chow cut it out!
Okay, I'm here Now what?
hold the cover off so you can see the wires.
Done !
on "three" cut the gray wire over!
One, two ...
Wait! I don't have gray wire. red, green and yellow !
That's weird. I have light gray, gray and dark gray.
- you do !? - Matha Fukka ...
- My bad. I am color blind. - you what ?
fuck it . Just cut the middle one.
My middle wire could be diffent They are all twisted!
- On three. One, two ... - Chow , stop !
Hold on I'm coming to you.
- What the fuck is taking them so long? - Where did you get the shirt? a Diesel store?
- Phil? - What?
It's a cute top . Where did you get that shirt?
What's the problem?
just Point to the wire you wanna cut.
- The gray one right here. - Great.
FYI that's green.
- Oh ,Which one is red? - The one in your left hand.
Which hand is that? I am also dyslexic.
What the fuck?!
- Where did you get it? - when I find out . I'll get you one.
There is a cool Diesel store in the mall, that I like to go to.
- right next to the Food Court. - I dunno know if it's diesel.
It looks like a Diesel.
What's the matter with you?
- Okay you still holding the one I left you with? - pretty much.
Oh fuck , Alright. On three! One ..
Two
Three!
SYSTEM Disarmed
Holy shit! It worked.
- All good? - Easy Peasy.
- You've no idea. - Come on.
WOops.
- Jesus ,Be careful Chow! - Fuck this guy.
Living in my house , living my life.
- Can just stick to the plan? - Fine.
haha , Ruined.
- He's compeletely out of control. - Let's just get this done .
This way! Come on , come on.
Buried behind this wall. Alan
Here you go, boss.
- you're okay? - I'm okay just warming up.
It is so heavy. Do we have lighter one?
- Why won't you just let me do it , chow - Okay,Either way we need the same thing.
you migh wanna take your shirt off it makes it easier.
- What? - I've heard that too.
See that. Chow came back for you.
- That's the last of it. - you sure?
- Yeah. - you triple sure?
- Yes! - Good!
Chow !!
Chow!
Chow ! Chow!!
Chow , open the fucking door right now
Stuart Price. No felonies. one arrest.
In Las Vegas, Nevada.
Phil Warnick. No felonies. one arrested .
Also Las Vegas, Nevada.
Alan Garner.
is this record accurate ?
aha.
I did that ... yup.
Masturbating on a city bus. Yup, that was me.
Look, we've been here for five hours. We already told your guys everything we know.
No. you told them a story about a little Chinese man ...
Leslie Chow. He is an international criminal. Look it up !
A little Chinese man that no one in the town has seen or heard of.
And the hotel you're saying he's staying, there's no one there.
probably because he left town.
That's one theory. Another theory is you're lying.
Lude behavior "Cracker Barrel" Christmas Eve.
Commissioner? I need to talk to you.
Excuse me.
We are fucking dead.
Why would Mr. Chow do this?
Because he's a greedy piece of shit, who used us.
- Yeah, but he's our friend. - Oh Grow up, Alan.
You're free to leave.
All the charges have been dropped.
- By who? - It's your lucky day.
There's a car waiting for you out front .
Come on ... Let's go.
Oh, God.
What?
I'm sorry ...
- What is this ? - Get in the car.
Excuse me, sir? Where are we heading?
Welcome back.
- What the fuck? - Let's go, guys.
out to the back.
- Doug? - Guys?
get you ass back over here!
Leslie Chow never lived here.
you did not break into his old house.
- you broke into my house. - I do not understand?
you didn't get back the gold , he stole from me.
you got the other half, that he didn't.
Oh my God!
you mean the half he never had?
the word class rat and you three were his accomplices.
We had no Idea, we were trying to help you We thought you'd be happy.
Thank you so much ! Thank you for ripping me off.
Thank you for desecrating my home -
And thank you for killing my fucking dogs!
We didn't kill your dogs. They're just tranquilized.
Oh ... right.
you don't know. Chow snaped their neck at his way out.
- What? - And someone has got to pay !
- He's right. - No, no, no!
My head of securaty.
He could not stop three fuckups and China man with a pair of wire cutters.
Unreal.
ah man !
That's okay. I know it's scary. Hector!
Go upstairs and grap a pair of swit pants for Alan here.
44 slim. Could you bring me few options?
you found Chow once. Find him again.
And my gold.
Wait. We do not even have a car.
- Chow stole my minivan. - Take the limo.
Hector has the keys. And get going.
I'm killing Dougs today.
I never saw anyone get killed before.
right ?! oh my god that was so intense.
I mean He just fell , and he was dead!
- I feel sick. - Me too.
maybe we should get some food, guys.
What are we gonna do? We have no idea where Chow is.
I do not know ...
He took your minivan. maybe we could report it stolen and then they can track him down ?
It's worth the shot.
Oh, dammit! I left my phone in the minivan.
If you lost your phone fella I've that find my phone app.
We have bigger problems than that, Alan.
No, wait. If the phone is in your minivan ...
... And Chow have your minivan then your phone with Chow.
You heard him. We have bigger problems than that, Stu.
Alan , Give me your phone.
- quick ,that's brilliant. - Yes!
- What is your password ? - Hey, Phil.
- Yeah? - No, that's it.
- What? - That is my password. "Hey, Phil."
It is it.
Phil gets it.
Nothing worse, than losing your phone.
You just saw a man get murdered, Your brother in law is kidnapped
- Are you sure there is nothing worse?
You do not get it, Stu. you just don't get it!
Do you ?! I have over 60 apps on that phone!
What if I lost my phone?
Do you have any idea how much time and man hours that I woud take
- To redownload those apps ?
You are right. I had not thought of that. Thank you.
- Oh god , is it always about you stu! - it's locating .
Oh, God. Of course.
What ? Where is he?
- He's in fucking Vegas! - shot gun.
Oh, no!
Hey, Stu?
I don't enjoy talking to you that way.
I do not know why you insist on making me blow my top.
We have been on alot of advintures together.
But it seems that you have not learned anything.
anything !
you think on it. I'll be in the limo.
He's okay.
Someone needs to burn this place to the ground.
I told myself I'd never come back.
Do not worry. It all ends tonight.
It says 200 yard up on the right.
And there it's . Amazing
looks like he ditched it.
- It is open. - No shit.
Look around . See if he left anything in here .
- I found the Demerol. - Good. keep it we gonna need it.
- ah , I got my phone. - No fucking keys though.
- Alan , Anything ? - No, not even the gold.
- Why the fuck would chow come here? - I do not know. right ?!
Why here?
you cannont match the power of john cena
Wow , Nice !
Excuse me. have you happened to see the driver of that minivan that's parked out front?
- short Asian guy. - They are all short.
It is so true!
right , but may have bee trying to pawn some gold.
that would be my business, would not it?
I like your T-shirt.
I saw that show at the Forum. He played "Captain Jack".
yeah ,I heard that was legendary.
Woman ,You have no idea.
Try me ...
Cassie I'm hungry, I thought that you'd ordered Chinese .
Mom , I'm with a customer you eat when I say it's time to eat
- But the doctor ... - If you do not reverse that right now ...
... there gonna be hell to pay.
- She's rude. - Thank you.
you hear that , Mom? Nobody likes you .
Yes, keep your mouth shut!
You're smart.
The Chinese guy came in here earlier. He was pretty wierd .
He pawed a gold brick. that thing is ...
- 400,000. He took 18,000. - Did he you see where he was going?
I'm sorry, was I talking to you ?
He said he wanted three things . he wanted some girls and some guys and some bath salt.
I gave him a card for an escort service, and he fuck off .
pretty high handsome, good luck getting anything out .
Thank you.
- We gotta go , we should go. - Yeah.
I'll get it . I'll get it.
- anything? - No, I'm still on hold.
Look how happy this fucking guy is.
Have you ever witnessed a moment with much heat?
White, hot heat , bro!
- that was pretty intense. - Yeah.
Yeah, it is actually an emergency. He has a thick Asian accent.
I totaly get it, but this's a highly unusual circumstance and ....
Okay, alright !.
- It is an escort service . - They're not gonna tell us shit.
maybe an escort would
- Do you still have her number? - Yes, but
- It would be pretty awkward. - That's we got.
She's smiling at me again. From inside the shop.
It's the best day of my life.
- Hey! - Oh my God.you guys.
It's been so long!
- Come in. - Thank you.
- You look great. - So do you. You are pregnant.
- I feel so bad. - Come on.
would you guys mind taking your sheos off? because I'm kind of a germ freak.
Yes, of course.
- Alan. - What are you doing
Sorry.
- WoW You have a great house. - Thank you.
I got married a year ago. to a surgeon.
- another doctor can you believe it? - Another doctor.
His name is Jeff. you guys would love him.
Tyler, say hi to momy's friends
- Hi. - Hey
- Wait, Is that the baby? - Yeah, time flies huh ?!.
listen jade , is there a place that we can talk a little more private ?
Yes, let's go to the kitchen. you want coffee?
perfect.
Hey , you coming?
- hay jade , is it okay to say hit to the lil guy - Of course.
- Nice stuff. - Thanks.
Jeff bought it for me.
Jeff? Who's that? Your fake Dad?
Your name was Carlos once. Did you know that?
- No. - well , it was .
And frankly it suites you better.
Okay.
- Do you remember me? - No.
Are you my real dad?
Yes.
I dunno , I mean you gotta understan I've been out of that world a few years now .
Yeah, of course. We totally get that.
I mean Jeff knows everything and, he's cool but...
We are just asking if you can call around just find out anybody might know where he is .
We could really use your help.
You used to love it when I curry you around.
Sometimes I can still feel your little head on my chest.
- So , do you like this new jeff guy - Yeah, he's nice.
My dad was nice too. We did everything together.
He was my life partner.
I really let him down.
Okay.
Just Trust me. you don't wanna go over there. okay ,Not this one.
I love you too.
She says there this craze Chinese guy, and he's hold up in the penthouse at Caesars Palace.
There is girls in and out. There are drugs everywhere.
It sounds like a bad scene.
hey ,Alan? We gotta go .
I gotta go, little man. It was great to talking to you.
hi five.
- It was great to see you. - You too jade.
- Thanks so much for your help. - Yeah.
- That's a great kid you got there . - He's the best.
Alan!
I have something for you.
- Perfect. - Oh , please.
See you around, Carlos.
- Yeah? - We got him.
- Great. Where is he? - Caesars Palace.
Changes in the plan. tell them We're going to Vegas.
I'm on my way .
There is a spot just outsite the town. I'll text to with the details be there at 6 a.m.
And Make sure the lil fucker is tied up
Hey, Marshall. It is Phil.
Maybe Stu wasn't clear enough. We don't actually have Chow. We just know where he is.
Yeah, and we're hoping you and your could go to Caesers and get him.
I don't give a fuck what you're hoping. The deal is you bring chow to me.
6:00 a.m. or your friend is dead
Oh , God !
- This place gives me the chills. - I know , right ?
It's great to be back.
- There are so many good memories. - Are you kidding me?
Okay. So, Here's the Deal
you need a key just to go on to his floor and once you're there he's got securaty posted at the door.
- It is ridiculous. - Let me guess that's him.
yup. the one With the strobe lights.
I got an idea
But you not gonna like it.
- It's not gonna work. - Not with that fucking attitude.
Did you know this whole place is made out of marble?
Come on. Go Go Go
Okay, after we stick Chow, Allan and I gonna take him down to the loppy.
you'll be waiting in the vallet, engine running, ready to go.
- Are you sure about this? - Give me Demerol.
- See you in twenty minutes. - Hey, Phil?
- Yeah? - Don't die.
Alright.
- Are you ready to do this? - Yeah.
wait , What are we doing?
We gonna climp down, and then it's about an 8 foor drop to the balconey.
- Alright ? - Yeah.
-No , You spit on your own hands. - Oh, yeah
dry desert air.
Alan, it's fine. You don't need it .
Oh, God.
be careful !
Phil!
- I'm Okay. - Hey , Phil?
- What's wrong? - Hold o a seceond.
- What? - Hold one . Kick yourself out a little bit.
- Alan ... - Stay Still.
Alan!
- Did you get it ? - No, hold on.
that's cool
Oh , Fuck me!
- Is everything all right? - It's okay.
It's okay, it's alright I got it.
Are you okay?
Alan , it's your turn
- That's it. - Oh, God!
Come on.
- Alan, are you all right?
- I think I'm slipping. - Just hold on!
Oh, God!
- You need to calm down. - I'm slipping, Phil!
- Holy fuck! Oh shit ,you're okay ??! - Help!
Oh, no.
- I'm gonna die, Phil. - No, you're fine.
You just ... drop down to me.
No chance. I'm gonna be up here.
Alan ,You can do this. I'll catch you.
just ...
... Let go.
That's it. Just drop straight down.
Do not push off.
- No! - Oh, God!
Come here!
Holy fuck!
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
Shit! Oh
I almost died, Phil.
Come one , I wasn't gonna let you go. You're my boy.
And you're my man.
What are you doing?
Okay.
Let's go get this fucker.
hey!
- Have you seen my ... - huh?
Phil!
- motha fukka! - Get the gun!
- Oh, fuck. - Phil!
Phil , are you okay ?
Chow!
Chow , open the fucking door.
- chow , stop - Motha Fukka!
Leslie, get down from there please , you gonna hurt your self
Nothing hurts chow. I'm invisible!
It's invincible, and you're not you're just out of youe fucking mind.
Now Get down from there before you die!
Die? How do you kill what's already dead?!
Fuck!
- Hey, are you okay? - No, look up.
- What the fuck is that? - That's Chow
- What?! - Follow him!
WoooHoo I love cocaine!
get Out of the way !
How did this happen?
We had him trapped, and then he jumped. He's out of his fucking mind.
I'm out of my fucking mind!
WOoOW beautiful!
- Stu , don't lose him - I'm trying!
Holy shit!
We gotta pack up all this gold. we're taking it with us
-talk to me , Stu. - I got him.
I got him!
Oh, shit.
Fuck! I lost him.
Don't tell me that. you can't lose him!
this is so much harder than you realize, Phil. I'm just a dentist!
No, Stu. You are a fucking doctor Now go get him
Where the fuck did he go?
Oh Fuck me! I should have thought this through.
Shit!
Move!
- Stu! - Chow?
- Stop the fucking car! - Stu?
I can not! The pedal is stuck!
- What? - Stu?
- I can't see anything! - matha fukka!
- Get off! It will not stop! - Pull over!
- Get off the car! I can't see anything. - we gotta die , finally!
- Holy Shit! -Stu , What happened?
Stu , what's going on
we had an accident. I think he's dead.
- Wait, what? - I think I killed him.
Holy shit!
- He's not moving. - Oh fuck!
Mr. Chow?
Chow?
- Stuart? - He's alive. He's Okay.
great. put him in the limo and come get us.
- We meet you in the vallet. - Yeah, okay.
Stu, that was some ride huh pal ?!
- Yeah, it was pretty wild. - I can not feel my nuts.
Would you rather make sure they're okay?
It's over, Leslie.
Wait. Let us make a deal.
Do you want chow to blow your dick?
Come on, Stu ...
I could be a good wife to you.
- No more deals! - No, wait!
Let's put the bags into the back seat. The trunk is full.
Hey ,Guys? I'm feeling better now.
alright it' the next exit and 4 miles straight into the desert.
I tell you waht, let me out we split the gold 4 ways, everyone wins.
Marshall is gonna kill me. My blood will be on your hands!
you Want Chow's ghost haunting for the rest of your live, Stu?
floating over you , while you make fuck on your wife?
He's not gonna kill you, Chow! He just wants his gold back!
It's gone ... I blew the first 20 million in Bangkok.
- that's why I had to get the other half. - enough Chow. It's over!
you motha fukka! When I get out of this, I'm gonna web out your fucking lungs !
Do you hear me? You are dead. You are dead!
I didn't mean that. Chow loses temper sometimes.
please ... I need help. I know that...
it's right there.
they are here.
- Alan they're coming grap the last bag. - please alan.
- Doug! - That boy for the bags!
Let's go!
Are we good ?! It's all there. I promise.
Not exactly. I'm is still missing the original half.
But, no ...
that's all we have Chow said he blew the secondother half in Bangkok.
- Where is he? - He's in the trunk.
A deal for deal.
- Doug! Shit! - Give me the keys.
- What are you gonna do with Chow? - I just wanna talk to him.
Move .
are alright ?.
What the fuck?!
the of conversation.
Why would you do that?!
Leslie Chow's madness.
You do not talk to madness.
If you are lucky, you trap it in the trunk of your limo, and kill it .
you've have done a great thing tonight. You should feel good about this.
What the fuck?! Do you think this's a fucking game?
- No, no! - No!
todelo, motha fukers!
Chow
Chow. chow , wait.
Now you wanna talk , blue eyes? No more silent treatment?
Leslie ...
Stay out of this, Fatty.
No Leslie
If shoot Phil, you gonna go through me.
What?
- Alan - Quiet. I'm gonna stare off.
Today you all live. Because one of you was a friend.
- Alan , what did you do? - I unlocked the lotch between the back seat and the trunk.
- and left him his gun ? - yeah ,I didn't think all the way through
He gave chow fighting chance ?.
That's all I ever needed.
Fat fuck.
It's never easy, is it? No one wants to see that.
except for me. But I was born bad.
Hold on . I have something for you.
For your loyalty.
- Oh no ,I don't want this, Mr. Chow. - okay give it back then come on.
Quick! Before Stu smells it.
- I don't want it either, Chow. -Oh please Like a squirrel doesn't wanna a nut !
It's funny because he's jewish.
Don't you get it?
God damn it.
Okay, go on , go out of here all of you
Hey chowsta, I'll call you in a week. we'll get together .
No, Leslie. We can not be friends anymore.
What?
You're not good for me. It's not healthy.
Alan, you're not thinking straight
Let's just talk tomorrow.
Leslie ,You're one of the coolest and nicest guys I've ever met.
And you're smart, funny and everybody loves you.
Alan,What is this ?
It's just when we get together bad things happen, people get hurt
yeah, that's the point That's funny.
I'm gonna make some changes in my life, this is one of them.
I'm sorry.
farewell, Leslie Chow.
You're cold as ice!
shot gun.
Everybody okay?
Yeah.
Alan , you're okay?
Yeah.
Good! let's go home.
jesus christ.
You know what, guys?
you can go ahead without me. there's something I need to do
Do you even know how to get home?
Of course I do. I am a grown man. I'll ask a stranger.
Good luck, Alan.
we'll see you soon.
Did you know that just a couple blocks from, here, there is a place that looks like Paris,France?
I can't remember what it's called, but it supposed to be magnificent.
It's called Paris Hotel and Casino, and it is magnificent.
Yeah, that's it. well,I would like to dinner there tonight
Oh Sorry, No can do.
I'm banned from the casino for life. Plus ten years.
We took mom there for her birthday played a little Blackjack.
She split tens. I may have overreacted They said it was abusive and elderly.
- I've done that. - right ?!
I can't go back there.
But
Golden Nugget has the best prime rib in town.
Oh , that sounds a glorious.
I'll send for you at 8:00 o'clock.
is that it ?
I saw it once. In a pornography.
it's a nice gesture, but maybe we should wait.
Oh okay , yeah
I'll See you at 8:00.
6 MONTHS LATER
You look great, Alan.
What do you think? Hat or no hat?
- ahh ,Hat. - Yeah, okay.
Wow, who is this guy ? the vest and the cain
- I love it. - Thank you. Cassie picked it out for me.
- You look like Mr. Peanut. - Yeah, I know right? that's what I was going for.
- maybe we just lose it. - hey alan , I was just talking to cassie she's an amazing woman.
Oh ,Thank you for saying that , she is an amazing woman I find her much better than your wives
- Oh , that's sweet - Which reminds me
- We need to talk
Listen, Fellas. Now that I'm getting married
- I'm spend alot more time with Cassandra. - Of course.
- It's the way it should be. - No you slow your roll Phil okay ?!
There is more. you're not gonna like this part
I must resign from the wolf pack.
Wow that's a big step , Alan.
I know, but she is my soul mate.
And my new best friend.
plus, so lets me mount her
- Which relaxes me. - Oh my God!
Oh Alan ,maybe never say that part again.
Chillax, Doug! We're all adults here.
I know you mount my sister. I've seen it many times.
- What? - Alan , you're the best.
The point is you need to let me go
you in particular. I can't be your hero anymore.
Okay,sure.
Having said all that, I still like to get together on tuesdays for bowling
- And on alternating Sundays for general horse play.
- How about we play all that by year - Alan , it's time
- Here we go. - ready?
I'm ready.
Translated by Has_World